When we hear self-love, the image that comes to mind might be things like: expensive skincare, a spa day, shopping, vacation, ordering pizza after a long and stressful day. It’s the stereotypical image on social media under the hashtag #selflove. Treating yourself well isn’t bad; it’s just that this is the feel-good, glamorous, surface-level version of self-love.
I’d argue that most acts of self-love don’t always feel good. They are painful in the short-term, unglamorous and require discipline, self-control, and patience. But they change our lives and add a sense of fulfillment and value to us in lasting ways.
For example:
- Ending a crappy relationship when you still love the person is extremely hard. You know that when you leave, you are going to cry your eyes out for weeks, but you know you will be better off in the long term.
- Leaving a dead-end job for the uncertainty of growth.
- Setting boundaries, especially when it makes us feel guilty and makes others uncomfortable.
- Going to the gym, even when it is easier to sit at home and watch TV.
If you plan to live a good life, you will face more hard acts of self-love than easy ones, because the habits that build long-lasting results require more effort than “spa days”.
Self-Love in Finance
In personal finance, self-love is often mistaken for spending. People picture buying new gadgets, outfits, or eating take-out constantly. But these are just actions that give us a short boost of pleasure. The truly transformative forms of self-love in finance are often dull and sometimes hard, but they give your future self the gift of security, peace of mind, and freedom.
Self-love in finance looks like:
- Avoiding debt or making paying off debt a priority.
- Confronting addictions like gambling, compulsive shopping, or emotional eating.
- Fixing impulsive spending habits.
- Reading about money from books and blogs (like Mindful Naira).
- Building consistency in saving.
- Saying “no” when friends pressure you to spend to fit in.
- Increasing your earning power through learning new skills, earning certifications, or pursuing better-paying opportunities.
- Expense tracking
- Planning long-term for emergency funds, budgets, taxes, and retirement.
Self-love is parenthood
Self-love isn’t escapism, indulgence, or luxury. It’s stewardship, guardianship, and even parenting yourself. Inside you are two versions of yourself, the parent and the toddler. The toddler wants to play, jump from the stairs, or touch the hot stove, just to see what happens. The toddler thinks his parent is preventing him from having fun, so he cries, but the parent knows better.
So when you choose to do the hard thing: saving instead of spending, working instead of scrolling, practicing restraint instead of gambling, that’s the parent in you stepping up. That’s the version that truly loves you and will not lead you astray.
Conclusion
And of course, knowing what self-love is doesn’t mean it is easy to practice. Sometimes what holds us back isn’t ignorance but deeper forces of resistance like self-sabotage, addiction, trauma, low self-belief, procrastination, and poor attention span, among others. That’s an entirely different conversation that will be explored in a different post. But for now, if you take anything away from this post, it should be this: self-love isn’t just about consumption, it’s about discipline.
Take one financial habit at a time, and master it. Keep in mind that even when it’s hard, you are practicing a radical act of self-love.
What is one uncomfortable thing you’ve been avoiding with your personal finances that might actually be an act of self-love? Let me know in the comments or send me an email at hello@mindfulnaira.com.